Fish out of water

Well, here I go. Hello out there!

This blog may reference rants and opinions, experiences and memories and anything in between. If you enjoy reading my blog, follow me or leave me comments! Especially all the gaijins living/working in Japan. I have been browsing through a lot of those blogs recently. I would appreciate it.

As a Japan-born, LA native, I find myself recently feeling like a fish out of water in both countries. I recently got back from an ever quick trip to Japan and I feel all sorts of lost. What has become of my identity? I sorely miss Japan already, every single part about it.

I was in the Osaka and Kobe area for about a week and half. It was the quickest week and half ever. This was the first time taking my husband. It was different from all the other times I've been with my family or just solo. I experienced Japan in so many different ways, saw it in a different perspective -- I would say I saw it in a gaijin's perspective. I tried to think and be on the same wave length as my husband, as he experienced all the senses of Japan for the first time.

Like how strange the washiki　（和式） toilets are in Japan, how every girl wears stockings, how busy the shoutengais　（商店街） are. To me, those kinds of things always seemed normal. But I guess to a foreigner, it is all new.

Which makes me wonder, am I of two identities? I was born in Japan, raised there till about 6, and have gone back almost every year or so during summers and winters to visit my grandparents and other family. However, I was raised in LA. Went to school, college and got married in LA. I know LA like the back of my hand and as I live here longer, I have learn to appreciate the little gems of LA. But a part of me can never let go Japan. It shouldn't have to, but I feel like there is a calling, a larger presence calling for me to come back to Japan. Know it better, appreciate it better, love it even more.

Believe me. I desperately want to. I would live in Japan for a couple years if it were all up to me. How lovely and how eye-opening would that be. Circumstances prevent me of course, jobs, husband, etc.......so how does one just take off for a year or two and enjoy their motherland? How do I even find of job or means of living in Japan? Can't just sit around at Obachan's house all day every day.....how does one convince her husband to leave our stable and well paying jobs so I can fulfill and answer that internal calling I am getting from Japan? How how how......